Friday, March 9, 2012

Florence: Second Writer's Campaign Challenge


Two people are sitting together under the remains of a concrete bridge. Their backs are against a rusted bridge support. One person’s leg is cut. The other person has wet hair. 
Write a short story/flash fiction piece of less than 200 words based on the prompts



Florence pulled the ripped cotton strip taunt above the slash on Jonah’s thigh. She felt the rusty metal of the bridge brace pushing into the small of her back as she shifted their weight again. Avoiding the damp ground was impossible. Jonah’s blood was seeping into everything underneath them. At least the night shadows provided some shelter from the glare of searchlights passing over in infinite eights as the helicopters persisted in searching for survivors. Florence didn’t want to be found, no matter the puzzle of how to truly help Jonah. She needed to take things in small pieces. First was getting his bleeding to stop. She would take care of her own pain later. Jonah had been unconscious under the remains of the bridge from the moment the earthquake knocked him into the slab of concrete near their hiding place. Florence wasn’t sure he would ever wake up again and she wondered if in the end that might be for the best. The erratic sound of her heartbeat in her ears pushed her to close her eyes to slow it’s beating. She moved her wet hair aside. She had to stay calm and hidden sitting in her lover’s blood.

13 comments:

  1. Why did they need to stay hidden? Great tension throughout the whole piece, well done!

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  2. Thanks! Why do you think they needed to stay hidden...? :)

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  3. "Florence wasn’t sure he would ever wake up again and she wondered if in the end that might be for the best." Great line here, it's so sad but has a lot of realism in it that stuck with me, nice job!

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  4. I like your use of the prompt. I hope Florence finds a way to save Jonah!

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  5. Your piece definitely keeps me wondering what will happen next! Thanks for sharing this, Jodi Su...I'm in your campaign group, and #70 in the second challenge. See you around!

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  6. Of the entries I've read so far, I think this is my favourite. I would love to read more, particularly about the back story - what had happened to them? Why was he bleeding? What was causing her pain (physical or mental?)? I REALLY liked this :-)

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  7. Hi! Just to let you know you'v been shortlisted as one of the top five to move on to Stage Two. (The semi-finals will be Stage Three and the finals will be Stage Four.) Congratulations :-)

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  8. Thank you all for the great feedback and >SQueeeee<< re: the shortlisting! I am doing a happy dance :)

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  9. Congrats, you are moving on to the semi finals.

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  10. Oh goodie goddie goodie! thank you! :)

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